Tidying Up and Sweeping My Thoughts

I am guilty of taking the easy route by not coming up with something fresh like I normally do for my weekly post. Normally, I think about what I want to write but not this time. I’m allowing my mind to roam despite my best effort to attempt decorating my blog with Halloween topics. I found myself uninspired and motivated to write about witches, wolves, demons, clowns, etc. However, around this time of season, I did enjoy free candy and horror shows as a kid, but I was never the type who go out of my way to dress up for the occasion. I remember I went trick or treating in my normal clothes with my friend from school in my neighborhood when I was about 12 years old. One of the neighbors was shocked and asked us why we didn’t dress up. I believe I said I’m dressing up as myself. That’s scary enough. He looked disappointed but gave us candy anyway. Ever since I quit celebrating the holiday until a couple of years ago when I learned from my old workplace that dressing up in Halloween costumes can be fun. People from the West Coast are more relaxed and in tune with their inner child than people from the Mid West who seem more fixated on punctuality and clean desks, or maybe I am generalizing. I highly doubt I could find another workplace that has a relaxed culture that resemble a dysfunctional family like the family from the film Little Miss Sunshine or Twin Peaks, although there was no death involved in the workplace. Everyone was on the quirky side and that made me feel at home. I enjoyed my co-workers who brought me a lot of laughter and made me feel warm and fuzzy.

The stuffed animals I accumulated from my co-workers. They just sit on my desk cheering me on. The funny part is I am not really into stuffed animals.

Recently, I had a job interview for a position where I am more than qualified. I knew the interviewer asked me if there were anything else not showing up on my resume. In my head, I thought of my blog. Then she asked me how organized am I on a scale from 1 to 10. That question stumped me because asking a creative person to be organized is the equivalent of asking her to die. Instantly, I knew I don’t belong in that environment. It’s a place full of first time moms who are particular with punctuality and routine. Well, I do understand why. After all, they are dealing with clients’ financial assets so everything has to be organized and structured. I could pretend to be all put together, but I am not all that traditional despite my reserved personality. When I told them I was looking for work-life balance, I wasn’t thinking of starting a family and becoming a mom, I was thinking of having more time for my creative pursuits. I knew on the spot I wasn’t a great fit. It seems that the girls treat each other like family and support life outside of work, but it’s a different type of lifestyle that I had in mind. I could only imagine how stuck I’d feel in an environment where motherhood is everything. I don’t know if I will ever be one. Either way, I’m content just focusing on my creative projects whether it’s gathering my mom’s recipes and turning it into a cookbook, crafting a poem, going for a long walk, writing a short story or finding the perfect wardrobe. Those simple things make me happy.

I could publish more frequently if I talk what’s from the heart because it feels effortless. It’s healthy to do some house cleaning because it’s the reflection of the mind. Then I can go back to enjoying my hobbies and enjoying life. But more importantly, sleep better, which is something I have been struggling for years.

Well that is it for today. Thanks for reading Halsdoll’s Time, where news is often irrelevant, but I hope you can find some sunshine in your life. I shall leave you with this excellent music soundtrack from Little Miss Sunshine.

One Passion Dies, but a New One Is Born

My New Year’s resolution started early. Well, it only started early because my premiere plan for this blog is ending and that has got me thinking a lot about what to do with this blog.  Do I keep it active, hoping that it will do better this year than the last? This is like déjà vu all over again. I believe I did a lot of these posts in the past but none were quite this personal. In my opinion, personal posts tend to do better than reviews. Naturally, I think we all want to find a way to connect. So, why not open up a little bit?

So far, my stats for this year aren’t so great compared to the last. It has been slow going. Back then, if there were a couple of genuine readers, I’d keep going unless real life became too demanding. I think most people, to their horror, if they had my stats, would quit a long time ago for the amount of effort I put into blogging.  But I didn’t go into blogging hoping to make big money, become internet famous, or become a writer one day. I simply just want to connect with like-minded people and jot down my thoughts somewhere. Along the way, I rediscovered the joy of writing, which made me think why didn’t I choose a career in writing?

When I was a college student, I had a Modern Literature professor, who thought it was in my best interest to let me know that I was not a strong writer and that I would be in serious trouble if I were to become a reporter/journalist because I tend to make several ESL (English as a second language) grammatical errors in my essays. Looking back, he was probably not the best person to go to for career advice, but there was some truth to his statement. After many years of hoping and living the idea that I would become a reporter one day (passion can only take you so far), I was spiritually crushed to learn that maybe reporting was just not meant for me. I scrapped up the idea of becoming a reporter or any career that has to do with writing-related, despite knowing that I have the right mindset and the determination.

I remember when I was a teenager, I was adamant about a career in journalism. I even job shadowed a court reporter at the local newspaper company, thinking one day, I am going to be a great reporter. Well, you can blame television shows for glorifying reporters. In reality, I remember I almost fell asleep during the court session, listening to the monotonous attorney presenting his case in front of a brightly lit room, and glancing at the court reporter who sat beside me, scribbling on her notepad with a red pen. Her notes were unreadable and she knew it when she showed them to me and smiled.

She was a brunette. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she had blunt bangs. She wore an oversize light brown blazer on top of a white blouse with greenish-gray slack and carried a dark brown, leather crossbow bag. She was nice and as eager to show off her job to someone who was excited and young as I was. I remember I had to get a guardian’s approval before I could attend the murder trial. To my disappointment, the session went on for hours. I started to hear the court reporter’s stomach growling when the day was close to noon. The trial was so dry that my mind started to drift. It was nothing like on T.V where murder cases are dramatized for entertainment purposes. Her job was tediously repetitive. There was the notetaking part, the listening part, the researching part, and then the writing part. She had to organize her notes and make sense of all of them for normal people like me to understand. However, at the time being young and inexperienced, I couldn’t appreciate the work she did. Thinking all reporters appreciate honesty, I wrote her a sincere, thank you letter that went somewhat like this:

Dear Karen (I think that was her name),

Thank you for allowing me to job shadow you, but your job is pretty dry. I appreciate your time.


I could have been more flowery with my word choice. In my mind, I thought I sound sincerely grateful for being honest. As a result, I burned all the chances I had with landing a job at my local newspaper company. Still, I persisted that I wanted to be a reporter/journalist even after learning the starting pay was not much. I wanted to be a reporter because I have always known I want to write combined with a love for justice. I want to seek the truth and report it. I was so naïve to even understand how the world operates. I was so adamant about taking that career path that I decided to take a journalism class at the local college to learn how to write news. To my disappointment, my journalism instructor said to me, “Somewhere in this strange world, you belong.” It was a nice little comment to let me know I still need a lot of work to improve, but he didn’t want to rule out the writing possibilities for me. He said I was very good at finding leads, covering boring topics, and asking good questions, but politely told me that my writing was painful to read. He gave me an analogy about a violinist who took several hours and years in the shack to produce a beautiful sound. No one enjoyed listening to her play the violin until she mastered the instrument. After taking several intense writing courses throughout my school life, I kept hearing the same thing over and over from teachers: “Your writing is intelligent, thoughtful, and interesting, but you need to be careful with grammar.” So, I just kind of gave up on the idea of ever becoming a reporter.  It is until recently, I learn to sympathize with myself. None of those teachers spoke a different language other than English, and most importantly, none of them know what it’s like to feel like a foreigner in your own birth country. They can’t possibly identify and empathize with my thought process, but that’s a different story for another time.

I remember when I created my blog, I wanted to kill the quiet time I had to endure after work. So, I just write. I tried to write and publish my best even though I know I fell out of practice. For a while, I mistook the word survivor for survival. In a world where people are obsessed with numbers and meeting quotas, my writing is just child’s play. I do not expect my blog to grow exponentially and I am fine with that. I am more interested in ideas; not perfect grammar and I hope my readers feel the same way.

“To err is to human,” I quote Alexander the Pope. I will continue to make grammatical mistakes in my writing because I am not a robox. Get it? Robots think inside the box. I don’t. 😀 But I am not going to lie, robots are cool and so is this music video of Björk’s All Is Full of Love. Enjoy your day!

Netflix Series Beastars Season 2: Who Is da BEAST?!

Disclaimer: Like “Netflix Series Beastars Review: Is the Rabbit Really A Slut?“, this post is for mature audiences. Not for children. Please watch show before reading. This is just my interpretation.

Well well…this became a bit of an erotic show that deals with a beastly appetite for another living piece of meat. Watching the show made me want to turn into a vegetarian or hide my face whenever I sense a predator staring at me from a distance. You never know if a perverted wolf is on the prowl. Yes, I’m still talking about Beastars here, a show jam-packed with metaphors.

It’s nice to see Legoshi, learning to control his instinct by turning into a Zen monk–well not quite. He can control his appetite to devour her but not the sexual desire he has for her! It seems as if he is confused with food for love or it’s the other way around. In this season, he did what is right, starts using his god-gifted ability to sniff out the culprit who killed the alpaca, Tem. But is it out of love or self-righteousness that he sought to solve the drama club murder mystery? Personally, I think it’s a way for the young lad to go on a journey of self-discovery. In this case, I think he may found his purpose which is to use his strength to protect and not kill. Lastly, marry Haru. No wonder Haru called him selfish when he proposed.

As I was sitting on my couch watching the show, I can speculate why it’s called Beastars. It’s a show about beasts fighting to gain respect within the society or you can think of it as watching the Olympics (let’s see which race is the superior race by demonstrating it through sports events!). But of course, it’s more than that. It tackles teenage issues, insecurities, sexuality, discrimination, and so much more! We got two groups of beasts: herbivores and carnivores who are in a constant power struggle to show the school who is da BEAST! Herbivores suffer from inferiority because of where they stand in the food chain meanwhile the carnivores feel mispresented as monsters. Deep down they are fragile creatures. It turns out the insecure big baby deer Louis and the sexually suppressed wolf Legoshi are both stars in this show and both deeply admire one another. There were some cuddling, heartwarming friendship scenes for those who like to see animals get along. Realistically though, animals don’t like sharing mates. I speak from watching animal documentaries and trying to raise two roosters under the same roof back in my teenage years. That didn’t even last a day. One got killed by the other. Perhaps, the relationship between deer and a wolf is different. As Claudio said in Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare:

Friendship is constant in all other things/Save in the office and affairs of love (Act 2: SC 1: P. 173-174)

So that’s why I’m surprise how mellow Legoshi is towards Louis who slept with the girl he loves and who was willing to sacrifice her for the greater good. The natural response would to give Louis a black eye for being such a prick. But, Legoshi, the awkward wolf is better than that. He mastered the art of suppressing his instinct by using the right head, the one upstairs.

So where does Juno, the manipulative wolf fit in the picture? Seems like her intent to steal the show in the first season is purely based on insecurity. Can’t blame her. She didn’t have to work for her respect in society so a part of her always feel inadequate. She was already given that respect simply for being born as a wolf (carnivores are seen as a high society). Although, I have sympathy for her in some ways. Beneath her confidence, she suffers from low self-esteem. Perhaps, she could practice gratitude and self-love? As for the promiscuous rabbit, she could learn humility and put her pride aside. That small thing needs help. She can’t survive on her own in a society that’s always hungry. I don’t want to say that slut saw it coming for hopping around alone in the Garden Club like a piece of meat because no living thing deserves to be looked upon as a tasty meal even if it’s part of the universal law in this made-up belief world, Beastars.

Overall, the message I got from this show is to respect all life. I liked that all the beasts are a star in their own way. They all have their unique strengths and weaknesses and deserve sympathy. It was amusingly fun to watch and I must say a well-crafted story for an anime. Not saying that anime is bad, but rarely do I find one that I actually binged watch, especially ones that involved high school drama.

Reflecting on Interview with the Vampire (Book): Passivity Is Death

I’m sort of done writing reviews. Writing impressions, journaling or reflective posts might be the politically correct term for this type of blog.

When it comes to reading, there’s no way I can ever read all the classics that I have set myself out to apart from discovering new stories from modern-day authors. Reading is meditative and truly addicting. I feel as if I have to be immortal to experience the many lives ebbed into a meaningful story that people packaged into a book and sell them off for profit. A strange concept if you were to ask me, but a writer has to make a living somehow. As a reader, I could play the god and judge the world for myself whenever I open a book. That’s what modernization turned human civilization into, a passive observer. As the bible goes: “For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow (Revised Standard Version, 1:18).” Am I doomed to be melancholic?

Reading as a pastime is a double edge sword. For one, reading offers an escape but at the same time causes fatigue eyes and limping body. You see, there is a thing called the clock which governs our lives. Called it Mother Nature’s clock. We are forced to sleep against our own will and forced to do mundane things to sustain life such as working, eating, cleaning, etc. And we can only wish we had more days to live so we can experience life fully to feed our godly curiosity until there’s nothing else to uncover the mystery of our existence. Reading the Interview with the Vampire, by Anne Rice, made me think do I really want to be immortal? Vampiric immortality is far from living but more like damnation. Louis, the protagonist is doomed to search for the “truth” that he may never find: the origin of his kind. Do they exist just to kill? Are they truly the devil’s servants?

Since I am pressed for time, I won’t go into details about this book. I will just mention briefly that this book argues passivity is the real death. Just watching things slip from your hands when you could have done something about it makes you the murderer of time. Things don’t have to stand still. Get up and make some action. That’s the lesson I got from the book.

Finally, I will leave you, folks, with my favorite quote from the book:

I went through mortal life like a blind man groping from solid object to solid object. It was only when I became a vampire that I respected myself for the first time in my life.

Through Louis, we see one sad truth about the nature of vampires: they are eternally dead. Therefore, it’s hard not to see life as a gift even if it’s for a brief moment.

P. S.

Thank you Nairdalex for recommending this book!