Embracing Imperfection in Writing

Oops that was embarrassing 😳. I wasn’t even finished with editing and revising my old blog post when somehow it was published on Reader as “Reflections on My Journey from Journalism to Blogging” , which is a false statement. Anyway, I wrote this blog post a while ago about my passion for blogging back in 2022. Then I revised it again in Feb of 2026. Then I deleted it again because it feels very personal—almost embarrassing.  Whenever I read it, it reminds me of my failure. I wasn’t planning on publishing it so soon, but here it goes!

teddybear and ps4 controller next to the window

Before the birth of content creation and when the internet was still in its primitive stages, it seemed that if you wanted to write, the only career choices were to become a journalist or an author. I was never the type who could write lengthy prose or who was creative enough to come up with compelling plots. Thinking I had my life straight when I was a teenager, I opted for journalism. I job shadowed a court reporter at the local newspaper company, thinking that one day I would be a great reporter. Well, you can blame television shows for glorifying reporters. In reality, I remember I almost fell asleep during the court session, listening to the monotonous attorney presenting his case in front of a brightly lit room, and glancing at the court reporter who sat beside me, scribbling on her notepad with a red pen. Her notes were unreadable, and she knew it when she showed them to me and smiled.

She had that typical look of a reporter. Her brunette hair was up in a ponytail, and she had blunt bangs. She wore an oversized light brown blazer on top of a white blouse with greenish-gray slacks and carried a dark brown, leather crossbow bag. She was nice and as eager to show off her job to someone who was excited and young as I was. I remember I had to get a guardian’s approval before I could attend the murder trial. To my disappointment, the session went on for hours. I started to hear the court reporter’s stomach growling when the day was close to noon. The trial was so dry that my mind started to drift. It was nothing like on T.V where murder cases are dramatized for entertainment purposes. Her job was tediously repetitive. There was the note-taking part, the listening part, the researching part, and then the writing part. She had to organize her notes and make sense of all of them for normal people like me to understand. However, at the time, being young and inexperienced, I couldn’t appreciate the work she did. Thinking all reporters appreciate honesty, I wrote her a sincere thank-you letter that went somewhat like this:

Dear Karen (I think that was her name),

Thank you for allowing me to job shadow you, but your job is pretty dry. I appreciate your time.

–S.

I could have been more flowery with my word choice. In my mind, I thought I sounded sincerely grateful for being honest. However, the more I think about my failure to become the next Connie Chung, I was lying to myself the entire time (you can laugh at me). My peers were better writers and reporters than I can ever be. They are more vocal, and perhaps, seemingly confident because people are attracted to confidence. Me? I am just so quiet–almost creepy.  “Somewhere in this strange world, you belong,” said my journalism teacher. He was right. I prefer writing in solitary. Sometimes in the dark in the closet. Only then can I let my hair down and breathe. I can write and focus on perfecting my writing craft without stressing for the audience’s approval. I know I will always make typos here and there. After all, I am the only person behind this blog.

Making a Checklist for Books & Games

Have you ever had a hard time deciding whether you like something or not? I have had many experiences playing games and reading books. Sometimes I cannot pinpoint why I don’t enjoy something as much as I should. So, I like to write out my thoughts in the form of a review. Unfortunately, these days, I don’t have that luxury anymore. The truth is, my work (apart from my health) has been so demanding that all of my hobbies were at a standstill. It’s already close to the middle of the year. I have only completed three games: Spirit of the North, developed by Infuse Studio; Xanadu Next, developed by Nihon Falcom; and the Bookwalker, developed by Do My Best. No time for mental health and recreation is not good. So here I am back with one of my favorite pastime activities: making a list. I have always found it therapeutic to make a list of books and games because it helps me clear my mind and stay focused.

Out of the three games I’ve played this year, the one I enjoyed the most is Xanadu Next. The game design is superb, however, the game is buggy. I had to restart a boss fight three times! If you enjoy a soul-like game, then this game is a treat. Well, I believe this game came before the souls franchise. Playing this game made me realized how much I enjoy treasure hunting, good level design and challenging games.

Bride wearing black vein
The Black Bride from Xanadu Next

Which brings me to the next game I will be playing. Spontaneously, I decided I needed something more relaxing and casual. I dipped my foot into Skyrim Definitive Edition and Oblivion Remastered because I want to transport myself into a fantasy world that’s not too brutal. So far, I have been enjoying these two games. Then I realized I have Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes, which I started last year, but never completed. At the time, anything that required a big time investment, I shied away. Now that things are settling down a bit, I can sit down and relax with a good RPG. Recruiting heroes is fun. But so far, I enjoy the cooking challenge the most and have found collecting recipes to be just as fun as recruiting interesting characters. This game is my ideal game of what I call relaxing.

Currently, I don’t have a recipe that will beat my opponent. His ramen is delicious.

As for my reading list, I only have a handful of unread books. I created a list of books I would eventually love to read, but do not have a set time to complete them. If you are reading for pleasure, why set a goal? These pastime activities should be a form of relaxation. I have been quite satisfied with what I have read so far. I completed Beast Warriors  Beast Player by Nahoko Uehashi and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë. Currently reading The Hunch Back of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. I enjoy the books mainly for their beautiful metaphors.

When I was researching ways to organize my reading and gaming list, I came across other apps and sites that help with just that, but I adore my blog. Why abandon it for something else like Notion? I can simply use WordPress tools to organize a list and create a separate page for my blog so I can go back to check off my reading list. Notion, Steam, Instagram, Goodreads, Amazon, and Google have a good section for reviewing items, but I think I am perfectly fine with my scattered notes and images here on this blog until WordPress decides to shut down.

So, do you have a way of organizing your books and games or other media you consume? I am extremely curious. Perhaps you can share 1 or 2 tips.

Credits: the images on this blog post are taken from Xanadu Next and Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes

Making a List Is Therapeutic for the Creative Soul

Around this time of year, I tend to make a list of upcoming games and books I plan to play and/or read. I wonder why. Back in the days when I was a teen, I would have played anything that was given to me, including free games on the PC; and I would have read anything in front of me.   Now these days, I am more picky—really picky to the point of relying heavily on reviews, trailers, and word of mouth to determine a purchase.

For instance, looking at my Wishlist, I have been debating whether to pick  Remothered: Broken Porcelain after reading several negative reviews stating the same thing over and over about how buggy the game is.  Still, a part of me wants to go ahead and purchase the game since it’s on sale but I have been on the fence with this game for almost two years now! I am pretty sure the game is not as bad as reviewers make it out to be— but I don’t think it’s worth the time to play unpolished games regardless of its potential. Plus, I recently purchased Song of Horror and Tormented Soul. Games that are supposed to have the old school, survival horror third-person view aesthetic. They are next in line of games to play-but I do need a break from horror. As much as I enjoy horror for the adrenaline rush, too much of it is not good. So, I have been playing Strange Horticulture and Divinity Original Soul Enhanced Edition instead. I am 36 hours into Divinity! I found myself in the middle of the night playing before bedtime, trying to figure things out. Time sure flies when you are having fun. I like the game-play. It’s a turned based game that involves some strategy. Some people described the game as pen and paper experience, which unfortunately I have never played a tabletop game. But what I like most about the game is its lightheartedness on the seriousness of the plot: I am a source hunter; I hunt down evil sorcerers. The diverse voice acting makes the tone of the game theatrical and entertaining. One character sounds Russian the other sounds Southern and yes there is even an English accent thrown in the mix. It’s dramatic. Even the animals are voice dubbed by real humans which only add more charm to the game. Overall, it has good vibes with relaxing original soundtracks.

Halloween Scarecrow
I thought it was cool that there was a pumpkin scarecrow in the game. 

Looking back at my older post toward the end of 2022, I made a list of games to complete for the upcoming year. I accomplished some. Not all. I have completed Soma, Eyuiden Rising, Elden Ring, AI: Sominum Files, and Whisper of Machines. I also picked a game to play randomly this year: The Last Guardian, Fatal Frame IV, Zero Time Dilemma and Final Fantasy XII. I enjoyed all of them, but I am feeling a little burnt out from gaming in general. I find myself wanting to do other activities that are good for my mental health such as reading a good book or painting. Actually, I am currently reading Charlotte’s Web by E.B White. This book was on my reading list from one of my blog’s posts:Three Films that Make Me Want to Read the Book

Fern holding Wilbur
I appreciate Charlotte’s Web so much more than I did when I was in elementary school! 

Making a list type blog post and sharing it with the world feels like a form of commitment. I want to set bigger goals next year so that means I will scale back from gaming a bit. Sometimes by the time I finish a game, I don’t have the mental energy to write a review because behind the “writing scene”, there’s a lot of writing, revising, and editing. After all the hard work, I still find minor errors (*sighs*). As they say a second set of eyes are better than one. Over the years, I have learned that there is a lot of work behind maintaining a blog, and what drives me is my love for writing and creating content. When I look back at what I have written, I am amazed at my dedication. It’s something I would have never recognized if I didn’t put in the work. Most of all, I learned that I am always evolving. Sure, the blog doesn’t pay the bills, but it pays to keep me sane. So, I suppose everything balances itself out for the time being.

My Energy Source

As usual, I will keep this blog updated. I’m still taking a break from writing intensely. Sometimes all you need is a nice picture and positive vibes. I know I appreciate those!

toasts, eggs and blueberries out on display
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! (©halsdoll@fishingformetaphors.com).

The Ocean Is in the Sky

Like previously, I am doing my weekly blog update.  I am taking a mental break from writing reviews until next month. I am rewriting my old reviews here and there (old habits are hard to die) but life’s priority is changing. For today’s photo, I chose a picture taken earlier this summer at Coronado Heights as I am preparing to say goodbye to summer.

It’s so much prettier in real life. (©halsdoll@fishingformetaphors.com).

Finding My Voice

I have always wanted to join a book club or some sort of club, particularly a literature club where we discuss big and small concepts; where our ideas become challenged; and are safe to express. But as an introvert, I often prefer to do the thinking and reading alone in a quiet environment. In public meetings, rarely will you find me leading a group discussion. Instead, I am the one in the background observing and listening. So, I don’t know how useful it would be for me to join a book club. This is part of the reason why I blog.

There’s another reason why I am not in a book club, I am an avid gamer who believes that great ideas are not limited to books. I want to discuss video games, which is a medium that is not widely understood. If it were, many gamers wouldn’t have to advocate its benefits and rewards to the mass, and WHO wouldn’t have called it an addiction. Luckily, most of my peers are accepting of the hobby because it’s now mainstream, but many of them prefer spending time doing something else more “productive”.

I like to think that writing reviews and keeping an online diary is somewhat productive. The writing process helps polish and refine my thoughts into something visible for my eyes to feast on. As a result, the labor of my fruit becomes edible and digestible enough to satisfy my creative appetite, but I know it’s not enough to stand on its own as a creative merit. People don’t read blogs for artistic inspiration but rather to start a conversation. And yet here I am writing poetic reviews, which is a craft I learned to love. You see, I have always been a thinker, but not a good communicator. So, I thought writing for this blog on topics and subjects I am interested in will help make me become a better communicator, which to me is just another term for being a good storyteller.

Looking back on one of my blog posts, What’s in a Name? I never treated this blog as a stepping stone in hoping one day I would become a well-renowned writer. Realistically that would be a stretch as I am far from obtaining such a title. There are many talented marginalized writers out there in America and yet the road to mainstream acceptance is far. Perhaps this is just a mental block for allowing a Modern Lit professor to dissuade me from writing. For a long time, I never took a step back to observe that he had his inner demons to fight with. In his eyes, all he saw was an Asian student. I often wonder to this day, what did China have to do with Western Modern Lit? Perhaps, it’s true that I was not a strong writer back then, but I believe his statement was more of an attack against China than me as an individual. He wasn’t too fond that China was sending its students overseas to learn technology and science to better its society whereas the U.S. was (and is still) too busy making toys. What I was experiencing was a form of microaggression. I came to the white man to teach me how to think and write in his culture, but instead, he discouraged me. Woah, the last sentence didn’t sound so pretty, but so was my interaction with that teacher.

As I am writing this blog post, a part of me is regretful for believing in the biggest lie that I was simply just not good at writing. One person didn’t believe in my ability, but there were also a few who were rooting for me. In a world where people are fighting to be heard, it’s important to find your voice because sometimes the rest can sound like noise, especially if it’s not constructive or helpful in any way.

….

Coming up, more Elden Ring content. The game is so massive, but I am making progress. Not too long ago, I made fun of Vayne from Final Fantasy XII, needing to calm down before he popped a vein. Well, I nearly popped mine trying to beat the bosses in Elden Ring, haha. Since I am a bit burnt out from this game, writing, and with this terrible prairie summer’s heat, I will try to get the blog post whenever I can. 

Tidying Up and Sweeping My Thoughts

Subscribe to continue reading

Subscribe to get access to the rest of this post and other subscriber-only content.