Gaming Diary

Clock Tower Rewind Review (PC): Liking It for the Aesthetic

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Jennifer appears to fall

Clock Tower Rewind (2024) is one of those games I have mixed feelings about. Not quite enjoying it, but can’t seem to put it down because there are multiple endings to unlock, and with patience, I know I can 100 percent the game. However, is it really worth it to see all the way to the end if the experience is that bad? I remember having a similar experience with Remothered:Tormented Fathers, another stalker game that almost blew up my laptop. The game had some major technical issues and yet, I soldier through. Why do some of us like being chased by a freak??? What’s the thrill in that? Oh wait. I know. When we are in flight mode, we fight for our lives.

Drawing of Rooney from NightCry
Hey Rooney, we are just a bit loony. (Rooney from NightCry1)

My apologies for speaking in riddles. Let’s rewind that paragraph above. Clock Tower Rewind is an upgrade from the original Clock Tower (1995), a survival horror game created by Hifumi Kono.  This game includes the rewind gaming mechanic and some additional behind-the-scenes content as the major selling point. Gameplay-wise, this game is painful to get through. But I get it, games back then did not hold your hand. There is no shiny, twinkling cue to steer the gamer to pick up an item. It took me 10 hours of trial and error to figure things out. Exploration is part of the game. Getting lost in the mansion is part of the game. Dying by the scissor man is part of the game. If you memorize the layout of the mansion and know exactly what to do, this game is actually short. You can complete it in less than an hour. However, let me warn: it is going to require some patience. This game is like playing a bumpy film when it could have been smoother. It’s not a remastered version. Some say it’s a bad port.  And I am going to have to agree with the popular consensus on this one.

The pesticide was in the corner all along. Wow, I feel like a total dummy.

The control is super janky. Trying to block the antagonist from attacking Jennifer is like playing paper, rock, and scissors. You just don’t know if blocking will be successful. I even used the rewind mechanic, but still no luck. The most frustrating part is where I ended up in a room with a floating doll. Jennifer does not move, no matter how many times I press the execute button to run (A on the controller, G on the keyboard). I had to reload several times until I faced the hanging French doll. Only then can I command Jennifer to run past the doll and escape the room.

I don’t think being stuck is part of the game design…

My point is that games back then came a long way in terms of user improvements, and therefore, I am forgiving. However, selling a game to make a quick profit seems lazy to me. I love the game’s concept, but I don’t think it’s a game for everyone who is looking to play a seamless, survival horror game. I can only see this game worth something to someone if they are a big survival horror game fan. It’s nice to say I played it, or attempted to get all the endings.

Jennifer falling
I am tired of trying if you make it impossible.

Final Thoughts

This game inspired me to watch Phenomena (1985), directed by Dario Argento. And I must say, I enjoyed the film a lot! I also have a deeper appreciation for NightCry (2016) as well, which was also created by Hifumi Kono. I see how his works have evolved. But if you were to ask me which I prefer, I would say NightCry over Clock Tower because I like Masahiro Ito’s monster design a whole lot more, and the final conclusion of the game, even if I am missing an eyeball. Don’t know what I mean? Go play NightCry. It’s more fun and polished than this game.

Notes:

  1. Rooney is one of the playable characters from the survival horror game, NightCry ↩︎

My Top 3 Fav. Video Games

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I have been suffering from writer’s block ever since I came back from visiting my family. It is not necessarily a bad thing.  It is just hard getting back into writing mode. I  need to learn how to build a writing momentum again. Humans are indeed a creature of habit. No wonder some of us are threatened by AI.

To get back into writing mode, I thought I’d do something casual. Let’s talk about video games because life is too short to bottle things up and be serious all the time.

I thought long and hard about this subject. How do I know what my favorite games are? Then I asked myself, what games do I keep going back to? How many copies of the same game do I have? What games left a huge impression on me? I found the answers even though it was really hard because I enjoyed many games. So here are my top 3 in no particular order.

1) Dark Souls II

I know Dark Souls II has a bad reputation among some soul fans, but I could care less. Dark Souls II is my favorite out of the franchise. I like the lore, the character creation, stage and monster design than the first one. So you can say that it’s actually the art direction of Naotoshi Zin and the lead art concept design by Daisuke Satake that stood out to me. It’s like playing inside a fairy-tale book with an edge. And if I can recall, I did jokingly refer Dark Souls II as my abusive lover in this blog post:Dark Souls II Rant: Rings and the Test of Patience as I explained why I kept going back to it.

Close-up shot of an enemy. It’s deadly cute (Image from Dark Souls II Scholar of the First Sin).

But I’ll be honest with you folks, I sort of got burnt out with the souls game or any soul-like games. Lately, I rather live life by just going with the flow instead of swimming against a strong current. So maybe Shenmue 2 is actually my favorite game. I am learning how to stop and smell the roses and be kinder to myself.

2) Nier Gestalt/Replicant

According to Yoko Taro, he is a weirdo and only weird people love this game, so that makes me weird, too. Because who would lock themselves away in a room and ponder deep, life questions, and say one of their best summer vacation experiences is inside a video game? What I enjoyed most is how synchronized the music is in each area of the game.  I lost count of how many times I replayed the abandoned factory section. Sometimes I just kill robots by following the rhythm of the music. To me the game design is art itself. For a post-apocalyptic world, it sure feels safer than when it was full of civilization, and I didn’t even know I was playing as a mass murderer!

I know I am not the only one who felt like an @sshole for killing the robot (Image from Nier Replicant).

3) Parasite Eve 1 & 2

I am sorry. I can’t decide whether I should pick Parasite Eve or Parasite Eve 2. Oddly, I found myself replaying Parasite Eve 2 multiple times. I like the stage design and the overall ambient atmosphere. Also, Aya Brea is more experienced in the second installment. There is something cool about her navigating alone and a certain quietness to it. Perfect for a big introvert like me who can’t think in noisy places. I also really like the monster design. The battle with the Burner still terrifies me to this day. I am going to replay this game sometime soon.

So, if you were to ask me what my favorite games are, now you know. So what about you? What are your top 3 favorite games?

May’s Books, Games, and Creative Projects

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May Calendar

May has arrived. After watching several videos on journaling, I decided to try making my own calendar book in the beginning of this year. The first few months of page design weren’t pretty. But I think I can proudly say May is my best! Anyway, creating a calendar each month is a fun activity that takes me away from the screen. I also want to try junk journaling or go back to pastel drawing. Watching other people’s creative works is so inspiring. With that being out of the way, let’s talk about what I have been reading and playing.

Reading

I finished Call of the Wild by Jack London and Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë. Currently reading My Antonia by Willa Cather. Out of the three books, even though I have not finished My Antonia, I am enjoying it the most. The pioneer spirit of working immigrants is very inspiring, and the writing is just so beautiful and full of compassion. However, I found the dialogue between the characters shockingly racist. For instance, I didn’t know what a Lapland woman is until I read this book: “Lapland women were fat and ugly, and had squint eyes, like Chinese…mother says Norwegians up North are always afraid their boys will run after them (p.192, Bantam Classics).” Um… okay. If they are so ugly why would the boys run after them? It sounds like a bunch of girls gossiping nonsense. For the most part, I enjoy the imagery of the prairie. There are many descriptions of nature that I could visualize in my mind. People back then spent more time outdoors, and perhaps that is what draws me to the book.

I have added more books to my reading list ever since visiting the local bookstores. There are so many books I want to read, but oddly, I find it more fun to write about video games for this blog. I don’t know why.

Gaming

Last month, I spent time with Trinity Souls of Zill O’LL. I am halfway now. I know it’s taking me forever to complete since I don’t play the game every day and only about 40 minutes a session. It works for me. And since I already achieved the platinum years ago, I don’t stress about trying to get everything in one playthrough. I focus on the story, and I must say, I love the story! It reminds me of Oedipus the Rex, which happens to be one of my favorite plays. Areus, the protagonist, has one mission in life–to kill his evil Grandpa! It has a mixture of Greek and Norse mythologies. Everything that I like, and this scene, a fighting (flirting) scene, is so fun to watch:

I also like how the game includes an encyclopedia of the bestiary, characters, quests, journals, etc. It is so organized. The best part is the Gallery menu. You can watch movies (cutscenes), look at paintings and listen to the music. I am still debating whether I want to do a video game essay or review once I complete it. It’s very time-consuming, I realized. If you have not played this game and you are a fan of JRPGs, I highly recommend this game.

I also watched an entire Let’s Play video of Silent Hill 3. I remember not enjoying it as much, but it’s more of a user experience problem. I am surprised I beat the game back then, even though the camera gave me motion sickness. Watching it again, I appreciate its artistry, symbolism, and stage design. The level of detail in the monster design is amazing. I also understand why so many people like Heather. She is stylish, edgy, and doesn’t mind being in her own company. She blazes in the game without flinching–almost like she is so used to the nightmare. Towards the end, she questions herself: has she gone crazy? I guess that is what makes the game a psychological horror. I still prefer Silent Hill 2, though. I just don’t like too many references to the woman’s anatomy. It makes me queasy.

In relation to Silent Hill 3, I do want to mention that I haven’t seen anyone talk about Audrey Rose, a film by Robert Wise. I watched it on Amazon Prime a few years ago, and it reminds me so much of the story revolving Heather. It’s a psychological horror that discusses the concept of reincarnation. The way the film was shot terrified me. If you have not seen this horror film, you should. You can find it on Tubi and Youtube, free with ads. I wonder if I am the only one who notices the resemblance.

Final Thoughts

Gaming has been quite selective for me. I know that I have a few games I need to revisit, but I am not sure if I have the right mind set to enjoy them properly. Lately, I prefer something more adventurous and nourishing. As for books, I dropped Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I’m just not feeling it. So I don’t want to waste anymore of my time with the book. This approach to my hobbies makes me happier.

Embracing Imperfection in Writing

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Oops that was embarrassing 😳. I wasn’t even finished with editing and revising my old blog post when somehow it was published on Reader as “Reflections on My Journey from Journalism to Blogging” , which is a false statement. Anyway, I wrote this blog post a while ago about my passion for blogging back in 2022. Then I revised it again in Feb of 2026. Then I deleted it again because it feels very personal—almost embarrassing.  Whenever I read it, it reminds me of my failure. I wasn’t planning on publishing it so soon, but here it goes!

teddybear and ps4 controller next to the window

Before the birth of content creation and when the internet was still in its primitive stages, it seemed that if you wanted to write, the only career choices were to become a journalist or an author. I was never the type who could write lengthy prose or who was creative enough to come up with compelling plots. Thinking I had my life straight when I was a teenager, I opted for journalism. I job shadowed a court reporter at the local newspaper company, thinking that one day I would be a great reporter. Well, you can blame television shows for glorifying reporters. In reality, I remember I almost fell asleep during the court session, listening to the monotonous attorney presenting his case in front of a brightly lit room, and glancing at the court reporter who sat beside me, scribbling on her notepad with a red pen. Her notes were unreadable, and she knew it when she showed them to me and smiled.

She had that typical look of a reporter. Her brunette hair was up in a ponytail, and she had blunt bangs. She wore an oversized light brown blazer on top of a white blouse with greenish-gray slacks and carried a dark brown, leather crossbow bag. She was nice and as eager to show off her job to someone who was excited and young as I was. I remember I had to get a guardian’s approval before I could attend the murder trial. To my disappointment, the session went on for hours. I started to hear the court reporter’s stomach growling when the day was close to noon. The trial was so dry that my mind started to drift. It was nothing like on T.V where murder cases are dramatized for entertainment purposes. Her job was tediously repetitive. There was the note-taking part, the listening part, the researching part, and then the writing part. She had to organize her notes and make sense of all of them for normal people like me to understand. However, at the time, being young and inexperienced, I couldn’t appreciate the work she did. Thinking all reporters appreciate honesty, I wrote her a sincere thank-you letter that went somewhat like this:

Dear Karen (I think that was her name),

Thank you for allowing me to job shadow you, but your job is pretty dry. I appreciate your time.

–S.

I could have been more flowery with my word choice. In my mind, I thought I sounded sincerely grateful for being honest. However, the more I think about my failure to become the next Connie Chung, I was lying to myself the entire time (you can laugh at me). My peers were better writers and reporters than I can ever be. They are more vocal, and perhaps, seemingly confident because people are attracted to confidence. Me? I am just so quiet–almost creepy.  “Somewhere in this strange world, you belong,” said my journalism teacher. He was right. I prefer writing in solitary. Sometimes in the dark in the closet. Only then can I let my hair down and breathe. I can write and focus on perfecting my writing craft without stressing for the audience’s approval. I know I will always make typos here and there. After all, I am the only person behind this blog.

Replaying Trinity: Souls of Zill O’ll (PS3)

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Trinity Souls of Zill O'll manual

Once upon a time…I stumbled upon an article written by a well-known video game website that gave Trinity: Souls of Zill O’ll a bad rating. According to the video game journalist, the lead character (Areus) is bland, and the gameplay is boring. I remember thinking that I must have bad taste because I really enjoyed the game and liked the protagonist. He is half-elf and half-human who grew up facing severe prejudice.

In other words, he is an outsider. I suppose with this type of game, you have to be the type who doesn’t mind role playing a character different from yourself. You play for the art, music and story. You play for the entire package.

These days, I don’t bother reading game reviews written by big video game sites, nor do I take game reviews seriously written by gamers who were still toddlers during the PS3 era. It’s a whole different generation. Although I must say, I think it’s cool to see younger folks appreciating older games.

Anyway, I have been replaying this game and would love to give this game a proper review. It will take me some time, though. So my blog will be quiet for a bit, but I am sure there is more than enough content out there to keep you from boredom. In the meantime, here is the awesome opening to the game. I watched it several times.

P.S.

There was a daily prompt that asked “What job would you do for free?” I have been writing about games for about 10 years now on my free time. If it’s not passion then I don’t know what it is.

Critiquing AI Summary of My Blog

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playful cat sticking its tongue out

It is lovely how AI can quickly summarize content, but I wonder how accurate and trustworthy the source is. I wanted to do an experiment, so I asked AI Gemini to summarize my blog. I asked it multiple times to see if the answers would change, and it did. It made me wonder, how much can we trust what is posted online? So, for today’s post, I am going to critique 3 summaries about my blog written by AI Gemini:

First entry:

  • Fishingformetaphors.com is a personal blog and archive created by an author known as Halsdoll. The site serves as a platform for reflective writing on various forms of media and art, characterized by a “poetic” and philosophical tone.

I am not sure why it puts quotation marks around the word ‘poetic’ when, in fact, I do enjoy writing poetically. Also, I didn’t realize my writing was philosophical. I take that as a compliment! It is a general summary, but it is missing some major components.

Second entry:

  • Fishingformetaphors.com is a personal blog providing in-depth, subjective reviews and reflections on video games, books, and films, with a focus on atmosphere and narrative. The site covers various media, including RPGs, horror, and classic literature, organized by thematic tags. Explore the full collection of reviews and reflections at Fishing for Metaphors.

I actually like this summary more than the first one. Straight to the point and informative. It feels more inviting than the latter. If I were a stranger who happened to come across this blog, I would be curious enough to subscribe. I like conversational blogs with interesting viewpoints, but I also I don’t judge people on perfect grammar. As long as it makes sense to me, I don’t mind typos and omitting words. Sometimes I think so fast that, even I omit words!

Third entry:

  • Fishingformetaphors.com is a personal blog and review site that focuses on video games, films, and literature from a contemplative, often female-centric perspective. The site features in-depth critiques of psychological horror games, martial arts films, and classic literature, emphasizing atmosphere and thematic depth over technical gameplay.

I think this summary might be on point. It is definitely female-centric in terms of perspective. However, that doesn’t mean I represent all the female kinds out there. Even though I am assertive like Ivy Valentine from Soul Calibur with her whip, I am not at all domineering or do I feel the need to be in the center of the attention to make a point. Oh, now I want to play a fighting game!

Ivy Valentine from Soul Calibur VI
Ivy Valentine from Soul Calibur II

Lesson Learned

One of my favorite quotes comes from a children’s book called Charlotte’s Web: “They’ll believe anything they see in print.” And the internet is no different. It is even more dangerous when the consensus is built on a popular idea. So, how do we know if something is acceptable or valid? The question should be, does it align with your conscience, your values? You have the right to think for yourself. After all everyone is unique in their own way. So, do I agree with the AI summary of my blog? Not necessarily, although it did provide an objective overview of my blog, but I would definitely never let AI do all the work for me. Let alone, think for me. In fact, I had to edit its summary:

Fishingformetaphors.com is a personal blog and archive created by the author Halsdoll. She writes in-depth, subjective reviews and reflections on various media, particularly video games. Her game reviews often emphasize atmosphere and thematic depth over technical gameplay with a poetic, philosophical undertone. She is a martial arts fan who loves reading and watching anything that is poetic. She is also a self-proclaimed wise stray cat on the internet, hoping to find her way back home through her writings and gaming adventures.

Final Thoughts

Well, that was a fun little experiment. Life is too short not to find some moments to laugh and find some ways to express yourself, especially if you are on the reserved side. I think a machine will never understand that. Now, I understand what Crow, a robot character from Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon meant when he said, he’ll never know what it is like to be truly human. And so, I am not sure if AI can fully grasp my intentions for this blog (at least for the time being). However, I do like how it summarized my blog’s content: I write in-depth, subjective reviews and reflections on various media.

I must confess, I do miss real life human interaction before the internet days. The world is becoming increasingly lonely by the minute. Soon everyone will be writing SOS letter on the internet when they realize something essential is missing in their life, a human heart.

Date Night with Resident Evil 0 Remastered

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I had no intention of adding games to my digital game collection, but sometimes, on a whim, I would make a purchase. I purchased two games: Resident Evil 0 Remastered and Ni no Kuni II Revenant Kingdom. There was nothing in my Steam library that I was in the mood for. Sometimes changing games it’s like changing a wardrobe. And so, I picked Resident Evil 0 to play at night. A game with good sound effects is like a massage for the brain.

Rebecca in Capcom cheerleader outfit and Billy in a suit

I have played Resident Evil 0 on the GameCube back in the day, and I loved it, so this is not my first time playing the game. However, there is something about playing it when you are older. You see things differently. You start to pay attention to game design and learn why you liked it back then. For me in particular, I like a good, balanced game. And there is nothing more balanced between two characters, Billy Coen and Rebecca Chamber. They make a really good team.

Bad boy and a girl good always make a classic tale because it’s not always about romance, but about learning to get along.

“The name is Rebecca Chamber, but that’s Officer Chamber to you.” – Rebecca Chamber.

I really like that line. Actually, of all the female Resident Evil characters, I have always liked Rebecca the most. She is just relatable because she is brainy. So, I was always happy that Capcom made her the star in this survival horror game.

Sometimes I like to read reviews on the Steam page to see what others are saying about a video game, and it made me chuckle. The landscape of modern games has changed over the course of time due to vocal gamers. But that’s partially my fault. As a kid from the 90s, I was never the vocal type who gladly fill out the marketing questionnaire letter located in the sleeve of a video game case. I just thought games were a boy’s club only, especially when developer keep assuming the player is a little boy with a controller. The only reason why I know so many great titles is because of my brother, who happened to be my best friend growing up. Let’s just say my mother was on the stricter side when it comes to having friends outside of school hours.

So let’s talk about the gameplay, why it works for me and not for some “macho gamers”. For those who don’t know, art direction and the overall aesthetic of a game matter to me. The cinematic cutscenes just pull me in. I like a good suspense. I feel alerted. Something is not right about this train. Let’s go, Rebecca. Let’s go shoot some zombies in the head! Although I must confess, my aim is pretty bad. There is no assist aiming mode like in the new remakes! It has been a long time since I played this type of shooting game. I do miss it, surely. Games were harder back then.

I like the lighting and the color contrast.

Not only is the sound effect superb, but the clicking sound from switching in the game menu from partner to partner is also so relaxing. I like how it makes me feel like it is a co-op game, but it’s not a real co-op since you are the only player who is controlling these two characters. It’s a unique gameplay that relies on the player to switch from character to character to solve a puzzle. The gameplay is kind of romantic since both cannot survive without each other.

If you start on easy mode, there will be more items for you to carry. I didn’t like it, so I switched to normal mode and replayed the game. You only need enough to survive, and a little caution is good. It intensifies the experience and makes us a wiser player. What I appreciate is that you can use the herb without putting it into your inventory. It saves slots for other items. If you picked up too many items, you will run out of slots, and so you have to drop them. The problem is that when you drop them, they can easily get misplaced, especially if you saved the game and come back the next day!

There is a lot of backtracking, which relies on your memorization skills. I was shocked to hear that some people didn’t like that… Too slow, too boring? What do they expect, The House of the Dead? Actually, I like The House of the Dead, it’s one of the first-person view games that doesn’t make me sick! Well, maybe it’s because I don’t play arcade games for hours as I do at home, as if it’s a part-time job. Anyway, RE0 is A+ to me without making me cringe. So often, cute characters in video games are portrayed as some weird eye candy. Luckily, Rebecca has a brain and can hold a gun. She doesn’t look too bad either in the DLC cheerleader outfit. In fact, she is cheering for Capcom.

Well, I wish I had more to say, but that’s my thoughts for now. The rain is just so beautiful, don’t you think?

Demon’s Souls (Ps3): My Favorite Winter Game

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I am playing Demon’s Souls Remake (Ps5) and Demon’s Souls (Ps3) side by side for fun. Okay, I lied. I only beat the first boss, Phalanx in the first level of the remake. The majority of my time is spent on the Ps3 version. I am not abandoning the remake completely, though. I just don’t know if I will ever finish it.  So far, the atmosphere feels different. I prefer the cinematic opening to the original Demon’s Souls to the remake. The remake makes me feel as if I am about to play a brutal arcade game.  Demon’s Souls was never designed to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. If you destroy the art, you destroy its meanings. The lines below become meaningless:

On the first day, man was granted a soul and with it, clarity

On the second day, upon earth was planted and irrevocable poison

A soul devouring demon

Of course, I am not here to talk badly about a remake that I have not completed. It’s still a decent game if you don’t mind the new cosmetics look, that is. Clearly, the immersive atmosphere of the game is destroyed. On the positive side, I must say, the gameplay feels fluid to me, and the new soundtrack is not bad. My favorite soundtrack from the new OST is the hero creation menu. However, I still prefer the original soundtrack. I think back in the day, I listened to One Who Craves Souls the most. Does that make me a demon?

This is why I spent more time with the Ps3 version. Revisiting this game made me realize why I liked it so much back then. I still like it. It’s like a pragmatic bible on how to live. If you are not careful, you could lose your soul. You might turn into a servant of the demon, trapped in the nexus for all eternity. Of course, Dark Souls is more of a polished Souls game than Demon’s Souls in terms of world building. And yet, the game is still very endearing to me. The atmosphere of Demon’s Souls has always been quite comforting to me. It feels like I am inside a twisted cathedral. It’s something the remake seems to fail at capturing.

I noticed the Demon’s Souls‘ official guide doesn’t include a map of the levels. It also lacks item locations compared to the other Souls games. I am not complaining, though. I only use a guide as a reference because I like to see a list of armor, weapons, items, and enemies.

The guide gives you enough information on how to play the game and build your character. It also put the walkthrough toward the end of the guide, which makes sense to me. Teach me what I need to know then send me off into the fog. Let me make mistakes and I’ll learn from it. There is also a perfect run walkthrough, but I don’t see the point in it. It’s not fun if you don’t explore things on your own. However, I can see someone doing it for speedrun. There is so much content, but it’s worth every dime.

P.S.

The Demon’s Souls deluxe edition also included the artwork and the original soundtrack for anyone who is curious.

Setting Realistic Goals for the New Year

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Every year, I like to challenge myself by setting a goal. Normally, I set small achievable goals. But I never set small goals to achieve bigger goals. I want to do that for next year. My blog has been stagnant and small for quite some time. But that’s all right. I am still blogging all these years despite my “failure”. After all, my greatest motivation is my passion! I also have some personal goals I would love to achieve apart from this blog’s growth. I hope you will join me!

Reading Goal

I started The Left Hand of Darkness at the beginning of this year, but had to put it aside. I was waiting for that moment to be wowed. I heard it’s a great classic science fiction. I want to give the book another chance. However, that wasn’t the real reason why I picked it up. I don’t think I read enough books by female authors. I just happened to remember this book. A couple of years ago, a coworker said Ursula Le Guin is ahead of her time. Jotting down notes as I read would probably help me sort out this difficult book. I am already halfway. This will be one of my goals for next year.

Another book I plan to read next year is Dune by Frank Herbert. I have not seen the movie. What inspired me to read the book was actually from playing the Bookwalker, ironically. In the game, there is a book called the Heart of Sand. I was interested in its world-building. As the game was starting to build momentum, the game ended short.

game inspires my reading goal
The lack of gameplay in this game inspires me to pick up a book instead.

I love reading, but oddly, it makes me melancholic when I think too deeply. So I have to balance it out with gaming. That’s why I don’t mind playing silly games or simple puzzle games. I don’t always want to think abstractly unless there’s humor in it. Gaming helps me live a little when life is already so serious.

Gaming Goal

Sometimes, I feel like a kid in a candy store, getting all excited with so many cool games. Then I exhausted myself mentally on what to play. So my goal for next year is to stay focused on the games I already have in my Steam library. However, I did get sidetracked by all the demos out there. I tried Trails in the Sky: First Chapter, Rosewater, and Unicorn Overlord. They are all fun! Out of the demos, I’ve been enjoying the Trails in the Sky: First Chapter demo immensely. I have been wanting to play the series for a long time, but I shy away because of its length. I am certain that I am going to love the entire game. It has that JRPG charm.

Characters defining what a bracer does
I am always up for a feel-good type of game. The soundtrack is also pretty catchy!

I play demos as if I am trying food at the buffet. But my main course meal is Walking Dead Definitive Edition. I am on Season 2, episode 2. Been enjoying the game as well! I also plan to play.Hack//G.U. Last Recode. I am feeling nostalgia. A good laugh is the greatest medication in this chaotic world, but food is also important!

Cooking Goal

Planning meals has always been a struggle for me since food is not the first thing on my mind. I came to realize that cooking healthy meals requires some special attention. When I go out, there are not many healthy options to pick from for a quick meal. So I just eat apples and bananas. Fruits alone are not a balanced diet. So I have learn how to be more creative. I have been hunting down recipes online. I don’t expect myself to be a great cook overnight. But I do think finding good recipes is a good start. Practice makes perfect, and who doesn’t love food? The only issue with watching so many cooking channels on YouTube is that I ended up not cooking anything extravagant! An egg sandwich is quick and easy enough for me.

cooking goal to make sandwhiches
I came a long way from burnt toast! That I can boast!

Final Thoughts

These goals are challenging to me because they require me to focus. I pick challenging goals and things I am not so good at for a reason. We can’t grow and build resistance if we are complacent. For example, I am skilled at action-adventure games but not RPGs (strategic turn-based games). I read mainly classics, but have not read many science fiction books. I can cook breakfast meals, but I’d like to learn how to cook a fancy dinner. So, yeah, I purposely challenge myself. It makes life more interesting, and it humbles me. After all, a healthy mind makes the world a better place.

I hope this blog post inspires you in whatever goal you have next year. Whether it is small or big, I hope you achieve it!

Reevaluating Strength in Gaming and Media

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I realize representations in media do matter very much. If I had to choose a video game character I resemble most, it would be Elena from Pandora Tower. She has some form of disability but she makes it up with emotional strength and intelligence. However, the average people assume she is just a silent object. They also think she is just a support role. I never thought of her as a silent object. I thought she was pretty strong, and she has her own agenda–like saving the world using soft power. Maybe it’s time for people to reevaluate what strength means, especially in mainstream video games.

I noticed the discrimination when playing multiplayer games many years ago. I was playing DCUO. Somehow I ended up playing a support/buffer role. I felt smothered so I ventured off alone. Ever since, I have a hard time connecting with my peers.  Finding a group of passionate gamers, especially female players who appreciate games for their creativity and aesthetic is hard. It felt more alienating because I don’t play to win, and I don’t like being rough like the boys. Speed run and rank never meant anything to me in video games. I only care about them if I’m working on a trophy. I see video games as an entertaining art form, not to be conquered or won.

I Realized My Own Biases

During those years, playing games by myself made me realized something important. I once fell into the misconception that being female meant being the weaker sex. This was based on how people treated me in person. Well, looking back, I was considered small for my size. It’s hard to have confidence when you know your size can get eaten by a wolf. Yet, the “weaker sex” has nothing to do with intelligence. Intelligence is just another form of strength. And liking a certain type of game doesn’t show superiority. One is more relationship-based than strategy-based. That’s all there is to it.

“Women love romance-related content. It’s nothing new.”- from √Letter

√Letter Visual Novel for PS4
I disagree with the quote above. Growing up, I used to ask myself why I am not feminine enough. I spent a lot of my youth watching martial arts movies and T.V. series from Hong Kong.

Final Thoughts

I have considered other platforms. However, I like blogging the most, small as it may be. It’s quiet and it allows me to be reflective. I also learn more through reading–especially when it comes to exchanging information. It’s a form of creative expression to me, and I wish more gamers would blog than vlog or stream. You’d be surprised how much we’d learn about ourselves when we all take the time to think before we speak.

Note: Originally published 21, 2021; Revised November 18, 2025.