If you are accessing this blog post on WP Reader, thefeatured image is a character from AI: The SomniumFiles, the game I’m currently playing. The character Mama works at the bar and is used to listening to people divulging their thoughts publicly. I confess when I’m a bit down, I do reach for the booze because I know Mama will listen because she knows everything.
Happy New Year, not really. I am not going to bet that 2023 will get better. I can’t change events that are out of my control, but I can control my personal space a bit. I have disconnected myself from Twitter, meaning I don’t log onto it anymore. Not like I was all that active to begin with. It’s a very toxic place where most people have chronic road rage and strong political opinions, including the CEO. On top of my New Year’s woe, it looks like my email has found itself in the Dark Web. I don’t speak German and have never been to Germany. Why am I receiving a registration confirmation email from Zinser Card? I don’t even go out enough to shop to impress. And why am I being addressed as Herr Droll ( Mr. Droll?). It looks like Mr. Droll lives in a decent neighborhood based on the address found in the registration confirmation email.
Why does he need to steal people’s email address and act all shady? Then I wonder if Mr. Droll is a victim just as much as I am, or if Mr. Droll is even a real person at all. I have been hacked once. It did put a dent in my trust with people online or in general. But don’t worry, I haven’t lost my faith in humanity. The greatest thing I learned from that awful experience is to trust my instinct because going against it came with a heavy price. If karma is real, I hope that hacker gets what he/she deserves. I hope he/she gets it real bad.
Lyon from Suikoden V
On the bright side, I completed Eiyuden Rising and 100 percent it! It was addictive and fun. Short and sweet. Now, I’m looking forward to Eiyuden Chronicle Hundred Heroes. I also enjoyed watching Tokyo Godfathers and Millennium Actress during the holiday. And recently, I watched M3gan at the theater and plan to watch Everything, Everywhere All At Once. Yet I’m still debating whether I want to do a proper review for anything I have consumed.
C’mon dance. Dancing helps fight the blues! (Image from From the AI Somnium Files)
I’ll keep this blogging going, but I can’t promise I’ll be here next year. Until next time have a wonderful day.
P.S.
I quit sharing my blog posts on social media entirely. I figure if someone is genuinely interested in my content they will find me via Search Engine.
I wish I had something exciting for Halloween, but I don’t. I am an introvert. I have always stayed away from big crowds and declined parties invitation that involved heavy drinking and staying up all night. I have no shame in saying it though. Being true to myself is more important than being cool in front of someone’s eyes. Talking about coolness level, I highly doubt anyone noticed, but I missed a post yesterday! No worries. This blog hasn’t turned into cobwebs yet. I reserved my weekly post for this special Halloween Day!
No I don’t feel guilty being a couch potato today…
I decided to go through my old stuff and dig some horror-related content that might be of interest to survival horror fans. For Halloween, I will be staying in door just relaxing. Maybe watch the Blair Witch Project remake with my fiancé or get a copy of Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water and Songs of Horror. Playing horror games with a group of friends or siblings is a lot of fun. I used to play a lot of them with my brother.
So if you are new to my blog, welcome! I dug these posts from the grave! Hopefully you found something worth reading:
Kuon— This is a classic Fromsoftware horror game. If you are the type who likes subtle horror story, and quiet atmosphere, then this is the game for you.
Reminiscing Friday the 13th (1989)–This article takes a look at my first entry to horror games. It’s not all scary, but at the same time it is for a kid. The creative concept for it is great, however, as a whole, this game is a flop.
Back then I was more inclined to write about survival horror games I’ve played, but these past few years my interest in horror content has died down a bit. In fact, when I watched the trailers to the new Silent Hill games, I was happy, but not overly excited. Like previous Halloween, I find myself gravitating toward bright-colored games. I just like switching from genre from time to time. Too much of a good thing can’t be a healthy thing. At least that is what I tell myself when it comes to consuming horror content.
Well, happy Halloween to those who celebrate it. You are never too old to celebrate Halloween and play games and eat a lot of candy, haha.
I don’t typically dress up for Halloween, but I do like to doll up in games.
Most of the time, I am pretty level-headed and many people (offline that is. I’m not active on social media) said I am pleasant to be around. I am polite, hard-working, and considerate. Even my former boss said I am the nicest person in the world! Wow, I felt so honored to be called that. I suppose you don’t meet a lot of people who skip to work when work sometimes feels like running into a battle. I’m an optimist and sometimes a bit too overconfident by default, which is not always a great thing. I think it’s partly because I have a lot of alone time for reflection. I think and then write, edit then revise. As a result, this blog helps me stay sane, calm, collected, and understanding. Unfortunately, I wish I can say that my blogging experience has been very good. There are some blogging annoyances. Some have to do with indexing issues but it’s more to do with the blogging gaming community that I run into which cannot be helped, but can it?
It’s been a while since I did my 3-list blog post where I just make 3 lists of anything for fun. It’s a great writing exercise. So, today’s topic will be on blogging pet peeves. Brace yourself because this is not a positive, uplifting post, but I hope it’s insightful. I will try to keep it light.
#1) Passive Aggressive Blog Posts
I can never understand gaming bloggers who disrespect their readers. They should be happy that someone follows them because there’s a possibility that they are genuinely interested in their content. What irks me is when bloggers think their readers are inferior to them. I followed a female gaming blog that thought it would be funny to review a coloring book game for little girls just so she can make fun of it. I wish I understood the humor because if I were a kid, I think I’d like the game. The game is intended for little girls and not for full-grown adults. I guess making fun of a little girl’s game makes someone appears bigger?
2#) What Does It Really Mean to Be a Feminist?
I followed a few feminist bloggers back then. I learned that not all feminists (males included) agree with scantily clad women or lipstick feminists. I believe in equality too, but I don’t see a problem with women who are in tune with their feminine side. If you want to pay for my meal after a hard long day of killing zombies, hunters, and lickers, I got no objection. I’ll cover for you next time as long as I can afford it. Sadly, gender inequality pay is still a thing here in the U.S for the girly girl. There’s nothing more irritating than being called a gold-digger just because you are broke from trying to compete in a society that praises and rewards masculine over feminine traits unless you sell your body. I hope you can tell I’m joking. It’s a double joke. If you have played Resident Evil Revelations, I’m referencing and mocking a gamer’s comment I found on a gaming forum about Jessica. Some people called Jessica a gold-digger because she demanded Clive R. O’Brian, another character from the game, to take her out to eat after they are done with their job. You can’t see it in the picture below, but she is wearing a makeup bag around her waist. This portrayal of the woman always irks me a little. What’s so bad with keeping up with appearance while on the job? It’s empowering.
I support friendly competition, but I don’t support catty competition where someone tries to discredit me by telling me what I like is not cool enough and what they like is better. What’s the point of following each other only to stress each other out? There were a few times I would leave comments only to get pushed back by anxiety-driven gamers who need a lot of work in the self-esteem department. They should be happy at least someone commented on their blog. It means they took the time to read and think about what you got to say. Isn’t that why people blog in the first place? Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with my pen name, Halsdoll. If you are curious, you can check my blog post about the meaning behind my pen name. My pen name was never intended to sound seductively alluring to support the patriarchal society, but somehow, I get pushed aside. The indie gaming community seems to be conflicted with all things femininity because 1) girls are just so weaaak (and that is not a typo); 2) the damsel in distress is not only a threat to another woman’s resources but she is also dead weight, and 3) the shameless hussy woman relied on her looks to get what she wants from men. You see, the suspicion towards women will never end because women were never seen on an equal level to men for having ambitions and desires separate from their counterparts despite the fact that gaming is so mainstream now that even your grandma is probably gaming as we speak and tweeting about it on Twitter!
It always seems like it’s the frailest one who has the strongest determination on the battleground-screen shots from 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim
There you have it, my 3 blogging pet peeves, which most people probably cannot relate to, but hey this is my blog and I thought it might be worth sharing since nerds really do like exchanging information. It just shows that oh my, the quiet Asian woman can be so straightforward and have such strong opinions contrary to what some people think. Never assume. I hope you found this post insightful because I was never the type who like to complain for the sake of complaining.
There are times when I feel motivated to write and then there are times when I feel uninspired to write especially around the holiday. I am not all that festive but I tried to be because a holiday is a great reminder that we should celebrate and have fun. Today, I am taking the easy route by recycling some older posts I have written.
It may seem as if I would never run out of things to talk about for Halloween because horror is my favorite genre, but in the past two years since Covid-19 happened, I am just not in the mood for horror and dark. I think we have seen enough of it in the media when people start dropping like flies or at least I have seen enough in my life. There is time to grieve and there is time to celebrate. These days, I want to celebrate life without ignoring that we are living in scary times. For mental health’s sake, I find myself attracted to games like Tales of Xilia on the PS3, which I bought about 7 years ago! The game is about a goddess saving infants from playing with dangerous toys. Okay being sarcastic. I borrowed the words from the game! So far from what I am gathering, the female lead, Milla Maxwell is trying to protect the world from a mass destructive weapon. How does this game fit into celebrating life? Well, it’s about protecting the world and living in harmony with nature. What did you think? Did I make a great saleswoman?
Enough ranting, here are some horror-related posts you might have missed if you are new to my blog:
We got so many options these days to be entertained but too many options sort of discouraging me from binging shows on Netflix. I have seen a few decent films but not enough to write about it:
Level 16 directed by Danishka Esterhazy (on Netflix)
Fear Street Part One: 1994 directed by Leigh Janiak (on Netflix)
The Thing (2011) directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (on Prime Video)
As for T.V shows, I finally finished Twin Peaks seasons 1 and 2, and Death Note the anime. So, stay tuned for Death Note review but I haven’t decided to write up on Twin Peaks. It’s a great show. Most people know that by now. If there’s a show you think I might like, please leave a comment and I’ll check it out.
Until next time, Happy Halloween. Can’t wait to buy discount Halloween candy!
What was supposed to be a hobby and a side activity has now become a passionate pastime or it’s just I’m addicted to writing. I put so much effort into crafting my blog posts and have found so much joy in doing it. Fishing for metaphors is an art form in itself. And yet, it’s just not looking for metaphors, I also appreciate everything artistic about the making of films, TV shows, books, and video games. I like all forms of art and enjoy critiquing them. Have I ever thought of becoming a critic or a writer myself? Not really because attempting to consume what has already been produced may take a lifetime to discover and appreciate. Plus, I have the attention span of a child to even sit and write a book. On the other hand, writing lyrics, poems and reviews come more naturally. Articulating my thoughts into a post is my idea of fun. And why not do it with style? Did some readers actually think I was attempting to write masterpiece reviews? That’s quite laughable. I’m flattered.
This brings to the question, of why I choose to write as Halsdoll and not my real name after contemplating whether I should use my real name or not. After all, the hard work should go to its rightful owner. In addition, I feel like I owe an explanation whenever I introduced someone I know in person to my blog. They may be puzzled by the name but are too afraid to ask: Why Halsdoll?
“What is in a name?” I quote Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare. Plenty, it’s about branding. The name Halsdoll was inspired by Shakespeare’s characters from Henry IVPart II: Prince Hal and Doll Tearsheet. The name was created as a joke. You see, Prince Hal understood the world by visiting Mistress Quickly Inn and Doll is one of the working girls. It really is no place fit for a soon-to-be king, but what may seem like an unproductive pastime activity actually served him fruitful information on his subjects. Yes, of all the places, a brothel. If you want to be a respected leader, you learn from the bottom up. It’s humorous and humor is what keeps me sane. I could elaborate, but this is no academic blog for a lengthy research paper behind the meaning of my pen name (as if who cares?). Plus, I just like the sound of Halsdoll. It sounds like the name of a powerful medication, a clothing brand, or the brand of a cosmetic product. It’s a nice staged name for all my nonsense stuff on this blog.
So after much thought about whether to use my real name to sound professional and build credibility with my readers, I decided to stick with my pseudonym. Perhaps, one day I may reveal my name when my blog grows big. In the meantime, I just like being Halsdoll. The name reminds me to never let the inner child in me die because the grownup world is nothing but filled with heart-attack stress and the sad part is we don’t have to make it that way but we do it anyway.
P.S.
This post was inspired by a Twitter email notification, hinting to me that I should use my real name because people feel more comfortable interacting with someone real. I do want this blog to grow. However, a hacker once said to me that my birth name doesn’t sound real, so what’s the irony in that?
I should have been writing, but I got distracted by this game and did video editing for fun. I plan to platinum this game since I did it for Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls. The shiny platinum might look pretty amazing and it gives me something to look forward to during this upcoming fall–cooler weather means more gaming time. However, partly the main reason why I have not been writing is due to moving. I have been busy packing, a getting ready for the big move, which means less time to write or schedule posts in advance.
There are a few worthy shows I watched these past few days and are the process of writing. One of them in particular is A Taxi Driver (2017), a historical Korean drama. Out of all the streaming sites, Prime Video is winning because they know me pretty well enough to recommend films I like.
In the meantime, for my weekly post, I put this amateur treasure guide together for fun as I have been obsessed with treasure hunting more than obtaining the object itself in Dark Souls II. It’s quite addictive as I mentioned briefly in one of my souls’ posts. I am sure I have a lot to extract from this game and have much to say about it once I complete it entirely.
I will resume normalcy once I get things situated. Most likely late September or early October.
P.S.
I have successfully moved out of the city as of Aug. 31st. Wrote this post a while ago. Now need time to adjust to a new environment.
I finally reached my 100th post a couple of weeks ago and it had me thinking about where I want to do with my future content or whether I would move to a different platform. That has been on my mind as I do enjoy creating content. But if I want to eventually generate revenue, vlog might be the better option for me to support my craft full-time. I did purchase an SEO handbook but it didn’t apply to what I want to accomplish for this blog. In fact, it left me feeling even more depleted, and let’s not even talk about the marketing side, I already feel overwhelmed.
According to the SEO book, which I will not advertise, the success of a blog is measured based on making money. Well, I am far from that. I came into blogging like many people because I enjoy writing as a creative outlet. So, the likeliness of making money is pretty darn slim since I’m not writing to a particular audience. As mentioned before, this blog has been a very good friend. Even if it’s just talking into the void as many amateur bloggers would often fear, sometimes it’s nice to get things off the chest as if you are talking to someone. I still have yet a lot to learn about how to balance creativity with the business if I eventually want to make passive income from what I naturally enjoy doing.
When I started writing for my old blog back in 2016, which was actually titled Halsdoll.com, (It really is my pen name inspired by Shakespeare’s play Henry IV: Part II) I just wanted to share poems and connect with like-minded folks or just have someone to talk to. Fellow female bloggers I followed at the time were either students or lonely first-time moms. They enjoyed reading about games but preferred posts about self-care, beauty products haul, and books. Those things are enjoyable to read but it is not the content I want to create. All I wanted to do was discuss games and write poems to fill up the quietness of the lonely evenings I had to endure after work. But those days have passed. Now I write with a purpose. Meaningful conversation is hard to come by especially for those who do a lot of solo activities.
I realized there are two types of female gamers: one who plays past time (no wonder there are so many beautiful women who stream on Twitch) and one who is enthusiastic about the medium. I fall into the second group. Finding a group of passionate gamers, especially female players who appreciate games for their creativity and aesthetic is hard. And what made it more alienating is that I am not at all a competitive gamer despite the fact I like fighting and challenging video games. Speed run and rank never meant anything to me in video games, unless I’m working on a trophy just to complete it for completion’s sake. If anything, I’m competitive against myself. I prefer teamwork to competitive play if I have to play with people.
Then I started to cater my writing toward gaming enthusiasts. Writing for an audience that I am not familiar with was difficult. I had to be mindful of my thoughts but soon begin to feel weary and tired. I did not want to engage in a battle of the sexes debate such as objectification of women in video games and neither did I want to make false accusations and assumptions about the opposite sex. Labeling people is something I dislike, so I tried to avoid it because it causes prejudice and discrimination, which unfortunately everyone has experienced some form of discrimination in their lifetime. It’s just how the world is. Humans are visual creatures. For instance, I have been referred to being a damsel in distress by many people. I often wonder why that is the case. Then I realize representations in media do matter very much. In fact, if I could pick a video game character, I resemble most is Elena from Pandora Tower. She has some form of disability but she makes it up with emotional strength and intelligence. But to the average person, many would assume she is just a silent object or just a support role for the heterosexual male. I personally never thought of her as a silent object. I never thought of myself as one. I thought she was pretty strong. Maybe it’s time for people to reevaluate what strength means, especially in video games.
When playing multiplayer games, I noticed the discrimination. As a gamer, I like to play as an offense player. I noticed the authority I get from players when they assumed I’m a guy. It felt nice when they asked for tips and they looked up to me. Rarely do I get pushback. But if they know I’m female, then the tone becomes a bit different. What I have learned through this experience is that online interaction is just a miniature world of the real world and I don’t know how I feel about it. I think that’s part of the reason why I prefer gaming alone, figuring things out myself. It’s a sense of achievement. However, the downfall of playing alone is that it’s hard to make gaming friends. In the online world, rarely do I see female players discuss games for the sake of games which is why I don’t mind doing my Video Game Shopping List posts. They tend to be more casual and popular among readers. I think the last thing people want to do is read academic papers on video games. As much I love to study, even I get turned off by such content unless it’s insightful and full of humor. The video game is a form of entertainment, not some scholarly text.
Playing games by myself made me realize that I once fell into the misconception that being female meant being the weaker sex based on how people treat me in person (well, I can’t blame them because I do travel alone a lot for someone as small as I am). But I learned that my gender has nothing to do with how good or bad I am with games. It made me realize that I am as capable as anyone if I set my mind to do something. Discrimination happens when we create a mental shortcut to process information, so it’s natural to think our female kind is the weaker sex, but the “weaker sex” has nothing to do with intelligence. Intelligence is just another form of strength. And liking a certain type of game doesn’t reflect superiority. One is more relationship-based than strategy based. That’s all there is to it.
“Women love romance-related content. It’s nothing new.”- from √Letter.
There’s some truth to this statement, but overall, it’s a sexist statement.Guys like romance too. That’s what I have learned from reading people’s blogs and I think it’s pretty cool.
I guess what I am trying to get at with this whole discrimination talk is that my blog has been a sanctuary for me to express myself, and as a result I am happy. As the saying goes, “Do what you love, and love what you do.” I have been enjoying myself so far, fishing for metaphors (okay that sounds pretty cheesy but I just love to rhyme!) As mentioned earlier, I have considered other platforms so that I could reach the right audience but I like blogging so far because writing helps people become better thinkers. I also learn more through reading anyway when it comes to exchanging information, which is why I chose to blog over vlogging.
I will continue to write about films, T.V shows, and books, but niche video games have always been my biggest interest. It’s the game design and the thought process behind the making of games that intrigued me, but more importantly, it asks tough questions and sees the world from an outsider’s perspective. For that reason, I always have a lot to say. What I’m really searching for is meaning in the media and that’s what this blog is all about.
I probably won’t publish much gaming content as it requires a decent amount of time gaming and the fact, and I only play a few games per year and I play it thoroughly to give it an accurate rating. I mentioned about games because it’s my main hobby and it is just something to be expected in the future for this blog because my backlog is going nowhere. I could do streaming like most gamers but I don’t see myself as an entertainer. When I play games, I like to take my time. I play to think as oddly as it sounds.
If you are new to my blog, please check out some of my favorite posts I wrote in no particular order:
The constant environmental stimulation coming from the downtown Seattle area is hard to avoid. I’ve been in Seattle for some time now and it seems like it’s getting worse. At the beginning of 2020, there was a gunfire shooting on 3rd Ave that killed civilians. And with current national news in the U.S, it doesn’t seem to get any brighter. Asian-American hate crime is on the rise. Even more, scarier is targeting Asian-American women. It’s very tiring and mentally exhausting that I feel it’s okay to withdraw from society and shut myself in and watch martial arts films and play games to save my sanity. No news is ever good news it seems.
The view of Wine and Tapas Bar (a.k.a co-worker’s apartment). My co-workers kindly took me in after I visited a Tarot Reader, ranting to them on how I felt so lost in life. And then the pandemic hit a few months later (photo taken on 06/07/2019)
Okay that’s just an excuse for my introversion. Even if there’s no crime–I would still withdraw from society to enrich my soul with activities that bring me a lot of joy. But I hope you enjoyed reading my dire news introduction for this blog post.
On the bright side, this blog has become a very good friend. And now I finally reach 100 followers. Wow, that’s pretty awesome. 100 people actually thought my blog is cool enough to follow. Hello, thanks! Nice to meet you!
I am also proud to have published a total of 91 posts (92 if I included this post) which were thought out carefully. Not so bad, considering the fact I was suffering from mental fatigue. I’m in better health now ever since I started cooking and eating properly, and learning to accept that there are some things in life we simply just have no control of.
I know my blog would grow faster if I collaborate with other bloggers and follow SEO rules, but I prefer to work alone and figure out what works and what doesn’t for myself. Plus producing high-quality reviews is more important to me than growing a blog massively. But with the right person, I might consider it. If you are like me, you have a taste for fine things. Your search for real connection and authenticity in the entertainment world or in life generally. I’m also assuming, you’re looking for meaningful content as well as creating it. There’s more to life than just a name; I mean fame.
So what to expect for the future of this blog?
Will continue to write insightful reviews
More creative posts to come
Will continue to post once a week since I think it’s manageable for my schedule (consistency is key to successful blogging)
In-depth analyses of books and games (More quality content would be produced though if this was a full-time job)
Pretty much, I am here for the long haul and so far, I’m very proud of this blog. As they say, when you take ownership of your craft, it adds more value to you than going to work for a paycheck and in return, I hope my content can offer something of value to you as well.
Well, that’s it for now. Stay tuned for my honest, awesome insightful reviews. Until next time, see you ~
Halsdoll playing a tune in Code Vein, an action adventure anime-like RPG game
Four years ago, I had a very bad headache. Four years fast forward, I still have a bad headache. It’s close to election day and the news makes my brain dizzy. I am going to take a break from blogging. I guess I am suffering from writer’s block or it’s just awfully tired. I thought I was doing well by being consistent and I had fun doing it because I have become an expert at making myself laugh. Right now, I just want to focus on Resident Evil 2Remake, do some housecleaning, and eat properly so I don’t completely disappear from this planet. I’ll come back with an analysis of Resident Evil 2 Remake because I am enjoying it so far. Surely as I have a lot to say.
It’s so funny that a few years ago I created a blog to connect with the world and here I am still existing because I need to connect with people. Social distancing is not new to me as I have been doing this for years now. Strangely I feel less lonely even though I am isolated from the rest of the world. I just want to focus on my games and take it easy. I will still be here to read people’s posts.
See you guys when I am done with Resident Evil 2 Remake. It might not make it back on Halloween, but you can always follow me on twitter @poetryhuntress. And if you are here for the first time, hi hello, we can be blogging friends, but bye for now!
P.S.
I promise I am not ditching my readers for a game. It’s really for health reasons.
Don’t want my blog to die. Might have to do CPR to revive it so I am doing my best to be consistent! Today’s post is more of a rant. I learned that these days people rant more than they review products. The term review might be just too old school and uncool. Because English is not my first language, I just had to double check its meaning with Google dictionary (maybe not the greatest source).
According to Google dictionary a rant is to:
speak or shout at length in a wild, impassioned way.”she was still ranting on about the unfairness of it all”
1: to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2: to scold vehemently
When I first started my blog a few years ago, one of my devout readers didn’t know what my blog is all about because I just posted whatever that came to my mind–mainly about games and poems. She mentioned my blog as a ranting blog so I didn’t know whether it’s a compliment or an insult because the word sounds bad to me. Thinking back, my intention for my blog was created as way to distract myself from talking to myself. So technically, she was right. I was ranting, rambling incoherently about the things I consumed and in the process, I discovered many things about myself that I didn’t know. So ranting is not such a bad word after all!
I hope you enjoy this rant even though it went no where. Isn’t that the purpose of a rant? 😀 Well it’s almost Halloween. My furry stuffed animals and I say hello and bye bye for now.
Fishing for Metaphors 
